Do A Happy Dance: Finding Balance

After big D arrived and I went back to work, I had the typical mommy guilt.  The feeling of not having enough balance in my life, not enough time with my kid (then it was only 1).  Big D was always one of the first kids at daycare and one the last kids to get picked up.  Ten to eleven hours at day care, a long day; I felt so bad.  I started the conversation with my manager then.  “I want more time with my kid”, “I want a more flexible schedule”  “I want to work part time”.  Although there was no one in our company doing it, my manager was totally open to the conversation (surprising) and totally supportive (even though she didn’t have kids herself).  AMAZING!  I told her I could be patient, but I wanted to start the conversation now.

Over the next 2 years (!), we discussed different potential opportunities , but nothing seemed to pan out.  Leadership at our company wasn’t quit ready to get behind the flexible schedule.  Then I became pregnant with Tater Tot and went out on maternity leave #2.    As I went out on my maternity leave, I had the same conversation again .  “I wanted more time with my kids”, “I wanted a more flexible schedule”  “I wanted to work part time”.

 

When I came back from maternity leave five months later I was determined to find a solution to get better work life balance.  Luckily for me, leadership was finally ready to support it as well.   My company created an opportunity for me to work 80% time.  At first it was amazing.  I worked 4 days a week and had one day to spend more time with my boys, get my errands done, and have “me time”.  Our family lives were still hectic, but it was getting a little bit better.

 

Then last January hit (2016).  It was a busy time at work.  I had a lot to do and was working five days a week, long hours each day.  We were headed out on vacation at the end of the month and a couple of days before we were supposed to leave, big D came down with an ear infection.  Work was busy for both me and Mr. H, so we convinced ourselves that despite gross looking stuff oozing out of his ear, big D would be fine and we didn’t need to go to the doctor, the ear infection would go away on its own.  We just didn’t have time/flexibility.

 

Needless to say the ear infection didn’t go away and 2 days into our Disneyworld vacation, big D and I are making a trip to Florida urgent care (They were great, if you ever need urgent care near Disneyworld, highly recommend. https://centracare.org/florida/locations/fh_centra_care_lake_buena_vista/).  With a fever of 104 degrees, an ear infection, and the flu, Big D was officially really sick, and I officially felt like the worst mom ever. Something had to give.  Work life balance wasn’t balancing and we were making bad decisions for our family because of it.

 

I could have shaken the whole thing off and made a resolution to do better next time.  We could have made it all work, but instead, I decided I was tired of trying to “make it work” and wanted to make a bigger change.  I didn’t want to shake it off and ten years later regret that I never “made the time for our family”.  A few months later, I gave my notice at work and am choosing my family instead.  This choice isn’t right for everyone, but for our family, right now, it is the right choice for us.    Will this be forever?  Who knows.  Will I ever go back to “work”?  Hard to say right now.  With tomorrow as my last official day as a “working mom”, I am so excited for the months ahead of just being a mom, of being able to pick my boys up from pre-school and take them to swim class or t-ball practice, not being the last parent there everyday, and of course, taking them for their doctor’s visits.